organization

it's frustrating how last night, while trying to fall asleep I was thinking like a blogger. I thought in complete and even edited sentences.
"thought thought thought-no wait, THOUGHT thought thought"

Now I can't remember any of it- and I wonder why I would even think like that. Since when did I become fluent in the language of facebook, twitter and (though I'm really bad about it) blogspot? I hate when I catch myself doing that- thinking something and then edited it to the appropriate twitter-size, or facebook-wittiness factor.

Maybe I need to keep a notebook with me all the time so I remember the things I have to talk about. This would also come in handy when meeting new people. I could use it as a small-talk registry. Outline all the things I could say to any kind of person anywhere. Awkward silences be damned.

I also hate how these posts have little to no organization. But now I just thought, "But your BRAIN has little to no organization. Wouldn't it be really weird if all your thoughts were organized?
"FIRST we're going to think about what you want to eat. Then, once we get that out of the way, we can move on to all the things that bother you at work. If we can cross that off our list in a little while, then and ONLY do we have some wiggle room for day dreaming."

Wow I need to get back to work.

it's already too late

July 23, 2010 at 4:15 am

I was randomly reading Malcolm Gladwell’s “The Outlier” today at lunch and became incredibly discouraged.

He has a theory (I guess it’s more than a theory since many have come to the same conclusion) that, aside from raw talent, in order to become truly successful, an “expert” in any field, you have to spend at least 10,000 hours practicing. That people like Bill Joy (who pretty much programmed the internet and lots of the software we use today) became icons in their field was not only because they were smart, but because they had enough time to practice. Not only do you have to practice, but you have to have money (or some sort of special program, scholarship, whatever) so that you don’t have to take that part-time or full-time job, which would eat away at precious practicing hours.

And I came to the conclusion that’s it’s already too late for me, and for lots of the people I know. With the exception of dumb luck, if you haven’t put your 10,000 hours in, the most you can hope for is to be great…or good…or average.

Not that I ever expected to be anything more than average (maybe even good at some things). I got good grades, I was on the honor roll, I had some hobbies that I excelled at (mostly art and writing). But I never really, really, honestly, tried that hard. I studied when I was sure I was going to fail, or when I wanted to impress myself. I gave up flute, then guitar, after two years, because I just couldn’t be bothered to practice. I didn’t want to be “good”…enough. I didn’t apply to an exceptional college, like Yale or Harvard because I knew I hadn’t worked hard enough to be qualified. I spent time with friends, boyfriends, family, hobbies. I doubt I would have gotten into a super duper academic school, but maybe if I had cared more I would have had a better chance. I’m well aware that a degree from USC, while maybe impressive to old (or young), rich white republics (and honestly, I doubt I’ll ever want to impress those people anyway), is an average degree…one that thousands of people a year receive. I’ve mostly been lazy and content…pretty good at some things but average at most everything else.

I guess what I’m saying is…it’s a discouraging thought. But also a freeing one. I’m never going to be that good. But neither is (almost) everyone else.