the elements of bad style

I've decided that, though there are many things that make up a bad book, there are definitely two tell-tale signs that you're reading a trashy guilty-pleasure summer novel.

1. Every other chapter/page/word includes a description of one of the main characters and how good-looking they are. I first noticed this when reading the Sweet Valley High series when I was 9 or 10. (Yes, I will admit to it. So has EVERY girl). How many times could Francine Pascal (or her many ghostwriters- as I have since learned) mention Jessica or Elizabeth's A) sparkling/glittering/shiny/dazzling/shimmering B) gold/golden/marigold hair? As many times as she could mention their deep/enthralling/sparkling/radiant/dream-like/ocean-like/anything really blue-like eyes.

The reader has to be constantly aware of how PERFECT these girls were, how amazingly beautiful they were. Because they were perfect the reader would want to read about them, to wish to be like them and to envy them in all their shiny periwinkle perfection. (Side note- I just learned the last Sweet Valley book was published in 2003 and was called Sweet Valley University-WEIRD)

2. Constant name-dropping- usually pertaining to designers. A lot of trashy/teen/romance/summer novels do this, and not just when they're The Devil Wears Prada (in which case, duh). It really irks me for some reason when I'm reading along, following the plot, trying to get involved and the author mentions "she gently placed her Chanel purse on the bed." Sentences like those make up about 90% of the Gossip Girl novels.

Why? Why would I care that it's Chanel? Why would I care at all about any description of a purse/shoe/whatever, if it wasn't a very special purse/shoe/whatever that, without a clear description of what it looked like, the entire plot would be lost? I understand that details are important. When I'd write I'd often devote paragraphs to describing the scene, the people and the mood. It was like visual candy, and the more creatively I could describe it, the more my own brain would eat it up.

But this is unnecessary description that instantly dates a book. What if Chanel isn't in fashion? (although, bad example-like that would ever happen). What kind of Chanel purse? Do I care that she has one? Does the other character care? If she has a Chanel purse then what kind of purse does the other character have? Where did she get it? Who bought it for her? Who's benefiting from this description? Wait...what's happening now?

If it's supposed to emphasize the fact that this character is rich and stylish, shouldn't I know this by now? Or couldn't we have just gotten that information out of the way in the first few paragraphs with something along the lines of "she was rich and stylish"?

I only bring this up because I'm reading a truly horrible book, Postcards from Last Summer, that I picked up at the library when I also checked out the book about brain injuries, figuring that, after that depressing subject I'd enjoy some light reading. But god do these kind of books annoy me. I can't just sit down and read them and enjoy them for all their tackiness and ridiculousness. Mostly because, in my head, I'm screaming, "But why do I care that she has a Chanel purse??!"

Remember when...

I'm remembering the days when I had my very embarrassing livejournal, that's still floating around in google-land somewhere. Every week or so there would be some survey we'd all take (and by we I mean pretty much all of my friends from high school and their livejournals). I feel like taking the surveys was just a roundabout way of finding out who'd had sex, who'd done drugs, who got drunk the most. It was an online not-so-private diary entry competition of "experience" one-upsmanship ( god how do you spell that? CAN you spell it?).

I kind of feel that, after high school, after prom, first boyfriends, one night stands, drugs, college, studying abroad and the simple fact that none of us need a fake ID to get in anywhere- the experience game is kind of finished. I guess all that comes next is the career, the marriage, the house- and none of those things are particularly sexy. So now maybe the answers could be more honest and less "look what I've done!". Lemme try it...

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? I should stop waking up so late so I have time to put on some decent makeup. 2. How much cash do you have on you? $35 right now, which for me is a big deal since I normally have zero. 3. What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR?" Whore 4. Favorite planet? Earth. Hippppiiee diiipppieee 5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? My boyfriend's roommate- as said boyfriend forgot to bring his phone this weekend. 6. What is your favorite ring on your phone? I got over songs as ringtones like 3 years ago (I know, I'm so cool). Actually it was because the sound of my phone ringing gave my anxiety, so if I made my favorite song my ringtone, when I heard it i'd associate it with anxiety. Ruined a lot of songs that way. 7. What shirt are you wearing? My yellow American Apparel sweatshirt. Cozy enough to wear as a shirt. 8. Do you "label" yourself? No, but I've been labeled. Hipster, artsy, nerdy, and persian. That's right, persian. 9. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing? Vans 10. Bright or Dark Room? Bright 11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? I don't know Random Google Search Entry person. 13. What were you doing at midnight last night? Leaving Brandon's house and then getting ready for bed. 14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? "It's hilarious"- Brandon talking about the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode on right now. 15. Where is your nearest 7-11? There aren't a lot of things that are near my house- and nothing especially convenient. 16. What's a word that you say a lot? "honestly", which completely defeats the purpose of the word. Oh, and "literally" 17.Who told you he/she loved you last? Brandon 18. Last furry thing you touched? Kewe! 19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? eh, we'll not discuss that here for fear of the world wide web search queries. 20. How many rolls of film do you need developed? Wow, this is an old survey. 21. Favorite age you have been so far? 21 was pretty good. But so was 11. 22. Your worst enemy? Anxiety
23. What is your current desktop picture? I posted it.
24. What was the last thing you said to someone? "I wasn't paying attention"
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be? A million bucks.
26. Do you like someone? Yes 27. The last song you listened to? Hysteric- Yeah Yeah Yeahs. So good that song could make me cry