the elements of bad style

I've decided that, though there are many things that make up a bad book, there are definitely two tell-tale signs that you're reading a trashy guilty-pleasure summer novel.

1. Every other chapter/page/word includes a description of one of the main characters and how good-looking they are. I first noticed this when reading the Sweet Valley High series when I was 9 or 10. (Yes, I will admit to it. So has EVERY girl). How many times could Francine Pascal (or her many ghostwriters- as I have since learned) mention Jessica or Elizabeth's A) sparkling/glittering/shiny/dazzling/shimmering B) gold/golden/marigold hair? As many times as she could mention their deep/enthralling/sparkling/radiant/dream-like/ocean-like/anything really blue-like eyes.

The reader has to be constantly aware of how PERFECT these girls were, how amazingly beautiful they were. Because they were perfect the reader would want to read about them, to wish to be like them and to envy them in all their shiny periwinkle perfection. (Side note- I just learned the last Sweet Valley book was published in 2003 and was called Sweet Valley University-WEIRD)

2. Constant name-dropping- usually pertaining to designers. A lot of trashy/teen/romance/summer novels do this, and not just when they're The Devil Wears Prada (in which case, duh). It really irks me for some reason when I'm reading along, following the plot, trying to get involved and the author mentions "she gently placed her Chanel purse on the bed." Sentences like those make up about 90% of the Gossip Girl novels.

Why? Why would I care that it's Chanel? Why would I care at all about any description of a purse/shoe/whatever, if it wasn't a very special purse/shoe/whatever that, without a clear description of what it looked like, the entire plot would be lost? I understand that details are important. When I'd write I'd often devote paragraphs to describing the scene, the people and the mood. It was like visual candy, and the more creatively I could describe it, the more my own brain would eat it up.

But this is unnecessary description that instantly dates a book. What if Chanel isn't in fashion? (although, bad example-like that would ever happen). What kind of Chanel purse? Do I care that she has one? Does the other character care? If she has a Chanel purse then what kind of purse does the other character have? Where did she get it? Who bought it for her? Who's benefiting from this description? Wait...what's happening now?

If it's supposed to emphasize the fact that this character is rich and stylish, shouldn't I know this by now? Or couldn't we have just gotten that information out of the way in the first few paragraphs with something along the lines of "she was rich and stylish"?

I only bring this up because I'm reading a truly horrible book, Postcards from Last Summer, that I picked up at the library when I also checked out the book about brain injuries, figuring that, after that depressing subject I'd enjoy some light reading. But god do these kind of books annoy me. I can't just sit down and read them and enjoy them for all their tackiness and ridiculousness. Mostly because, in my head, I'm screaming, "But why do I care that she has a Chanel purse??!"